So here’s what I’ve been thinking, dear reader:
All I really have to do is the best I can. That’s it. I don’t have to get everything done: I just need to do what I can. I don’t have to do everything perfectly: I just need to do do as best I can. None of these things that are threatening to overwhelm me – studying for the bar exam next week, preparing for the Taiwan trip the week after, the regular-day tasks at work that keep flooding in – are things I have to do at all: they’re things I GET to do.
When I spend my time worrying on what’s coming up and whether I’ll be prepared for it, I’m not in the moment and I won’t be prepared. Staying in the moment is a joyful thing, because what I’m doing in this moment is *exactly* what I want to be doing. My life is so incredibly charmed.
Nothing matters but this moment right now. Because without this one, there can be no others. If I’m not present here and now, I’m certainly not present there and then.
So yeah, enough of the abstract: I’m taking care of what I can take care of at work today, a little bit of the short-term project stuff and a little bit of the longer-term project stuff. Reports are being written, emails sent, numbers crunched, research performed, etc. I’ve been studying in the cracks in my schedule and have a bar review lecture playing in the background now. That’s really all I can do. I’ll either pass the bar or I won’t – but if I spend my time between now and then simply freaking out instead of studying when I can, as much as I can, that’s me fucking up. My trip to Taiwan will be successful or it won’t – but if I spend my time between now and then freaking out instead of doing as much as I can to prepare, that’s me fucking up. I’m not fucking up by doing the best I can, because that’s really all I can do.
My life is indescribably wonderful right now, dear reader. I’m going to just go right ahead and enjoy every moment of it, rather than wonder if I’m living up to it.