…and in other news

February 4, 2011 · 5 comments

When I grow up and have nothing better to do than write weirdo stuff for my adoring public, I’m going to do it while listening to Led Zeppelin.  The writing, I mean:  not the growing up.  I’m currently reading The Sherriff of Yrnameer by Michael Rubens.  It’s funny as hell.  Light sci-fi; Vonnegut-ish with some Dick in there too.  My cousin gave it to me for xmas – he meant to give it to my brother and give me American Gods by Neil Gaiman, but I’d already read the latter, so he switched.  Which worked out well because I’d been telling John to read American Gods for a while now, and The Sherriff of Yrnameer is right up my alley (and not so much John’s).

Things are excellent, dear reader.  Extremely, wickedly busy, but excellent.  Adding the bar prep class on top of my regular work-day is kinda-sorta kicking my ass time-wise, but that’s ok.  I suppose it’s arguable that it’s keeping me out of trouble.  Maybe.  Still hiking both weekend days, which has been glorious, as usual/to be expected.  There have also been some interesting developments of a romantic nature – which I’m quite certain I’m jinxing just by mentioning it aloud, but whatever – which I’m not going to tell you about, dearest, dearest reader, because it would be inappropriate to do so.

I fired my acupuncturist.  Sent him an email on Monday morning stating that I wouldn’t be able to make it to my appointment that afternoon – that I’d had some things come up at work – but that I’d see him on Thursday and have been following all of his suggestions.  He responded with some stuff about his 24-hour cancellation policy and whatnot (people usually offer to pay for the session anyway) and I told him to cancel Thursday’s appointment as well – maybe we can re-connect when I can give his schedule a higher priority rating.  Maybe I’ll post the email exchange tomorrow.

I’m still following his suggestions:  drinking a pro-biotic, drinking apple cider vinegar and no coffee.  It’s been over a week since my last cup of coffee.  I passed the coffee section in Whole Foods this evening and took a big whiff – bad move.  It smelled SO good.  Maybe in a month I’ll start drinking coffee again.  I hope so:  I love coffee.  But for now, it’s tea.  Black tea.  In a similar fashion to my coffee requests, people look at me like I’m a weirdo when I say that I don’t want anything (milk, sugar) in my tea.  Strange.

Last week I had a hard time getting my brain to settle down:  it was like the wheels were spinning incredibly fast and not catching on anything – not linking up with the gears.  It was going a million miles a minute, but I couldn’t grab ahold of one thing and run with it.  Thoughts were whirling in and out, but they were fleeting and not staying put long enough for me to examine or do anything with them.  This week has been a little better:  I’ve been able to get the gears to catch and have had some really productive days at work.  I’ve at least made a start on a couple of the tasks that were sitting undone on my to-do list.

I ordered a Franklin Covey planner for my dad today and had it shipped to his office.  He loves Stephen Covey and a buddy of mine was regaling me about the productivity-adding aspects of the planning system (which, apparently, was developed by Ben Franklin).  So I figure I’ll photocopy a couple of the pages to get a feel for how the system works and incorporate some of it into my own life.  My dad can try the whole program.

I bought new snowshoes this week.  My old ones have probably 400 or so miles on them and I was really hoping they’d make it through the season, but I discovered a rip in the deck last week (which I was able to semi-repair) and they’ve been making funny noises, so I figured it would be safer to just get a new pair and have the old ones as a beater pair.

Speaking of beaters, I’m also looking for a beater car/SUV with four doors and decent clearance that I can use to shuttle people to and from the Catskills.  I’ve been doing a lot more hiking with other people lately and my two-seater just doesn’t cut it – I feel bad that we’ve been taking Scott’s Toyota Yaris (lol, “the big car”) up to the Cats every weekend.  Plus, having the truly bigger vehicle would satisfy my control issues.  And some safety issues:  Scott’s car ain’t exactly made for the snow.  I’ve been checking eBay; maybe I’ll explore other options as well.

So that’s about it.  I’m off to bed.  Maybe I’m wound down enough from the day and maybe I’m not.  It doesn’t really matter because I’ll be asleep five minutes after my head hits the pillow.  I remember a time when I had trouble falling asleep.  Hell, I still remember a time when I didn’t fall asleep, I just passed out; I never woke up, I just came to.  I do not remember that time fondly.

And so, dear reader, that’s all the verbal fondling you’ll get from me tonight.  Sleep well.  I love you, I want you, I need you – and three out of four ain’t bad, as the bard says.

*** *** ***

Alternate Scooby Doo Ending

And so, dear reader, that’s all the verbal fondling you’ll get from me tonight.  Sleep well.  Rye ruv roo, rye ront roo, rye reed roo – and three out of three is a perfect fucken score, so gimme those scooby-snacks or I’ll do more than just hump Velma’s leg while you and Freddie cry in the corner, knowing you’re next.

*** *** ***

Alternate Nondualist Ending

And so, dear reader, that’s all the verbal fondling you’ll get from me tonight.  Sleep well.  I love you, I want you, I need you because I am you.

*** *** ***

Alternate Fight Club Ending

And so, dear reader, that’s all the verbal fondling you’ll get from me tonight.  Sleep well.  I love you, I want you, I need you because I am you, and as soon as we get done fucking Helena Bonham Carter’s brains out, we’re gonna blow some shit up – especially if said shit happens to be cornflower blue.  Because we’re simply itching to destroy something beautiful.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

FatVegan February 4, 2011 at 07:00

Dont ever speak another unkind word about the Yardaddy she moves well in the snow as long as its not more than half an inch.

Nice alternate endings but wheres the Animal House ending?

ps. I love soup probably the single greatest invention ever.


melissa February 4, 2011 at 11:56

did someone say soup?


FatVegan February 4, 2011 at 12:01

Hot Vegan Soup


melissa February 4, 2011 at 12:30

…as if there were some other kind?


Adolf February 4, 2011 at 13:16

I’m the Vegan Soup Nazi


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