On Becoming Less of an Asshole

March 21, 2010 · 0 comments

I finished my peaks today for my Catskill 3500 Club winter patch.  A total of 28 mountains climbed this winter.  I met three guys as I was just about to the summit of Eagle and we shot the shit for a bit before I headed out ahead of them.  After I hit the summit and saw them again on the way down, they all congratulated me (complete with fist bumps – or “daps” as they say in Britain).

Thing is, today was just another day on the mountain for me.  I didn’t have any kind of crazy feeling of elation when I hit the summit of Eagle, and frankly didn’t even realize that I had completed my goal until these guys reminded me.  Kinda weird.  I really hope I don’t get into one of those “I just don’t know what to do with myself” funks in the next week or two.  I need to find myself a new goal and start planning for that soon, I think.

I’m tired from hiking yesterday and today (7.2 and 8 miles, respectively), and I just barely got my laundry done, cake baked, dinner made and tally sheet ready to be mailed, so I’m off to bed shortly.  I’ll talk more about this weekend’s hikes and the completion of my winter peakbagging extravaganza tomorrow.  I’ll also figure out how to post my pics, vids and maps sometime this week.

One thing that occurred to me this evening:

Once upon a time, I worked really hard to feel “full” – I took and took and took and held everything that was “mine” close, not wanting to let anyone else have it.  I just noticed it, but I’ve been grooving on the “he who says does not know; he who knows does not say” (Lao Tsu) vibe for quite a while now.  Which is to say that I’ve been keeping my mouth shut and listening to other people (whether or not they’re just talking a bunch of bull), rather than trying to tell everyone all about what I’m doing or what I think.

I’m finding that I feel more “full” the more I continue to empty myself out.  I get more fulfillment out of being a channel than being a vessel – I’m constantly being emptied and filled at the same time.  It’s almost like being at one with the Universe.

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