MY PENIS IS FIVE FEET LONG

February 24, 2010 · 6 comments

Two posts for the price of one tonight.  That last post was written on Sunday night, but I guess I hit “Save Draft” and then never clicked “Publish”.  So yeah, double your pleasure, double your fun:  two QJ posts for the price of one.

…a-aaand I’m sorely tempted to leave it at that.

I need to figure out how to get the files I downloaded from MediaFire onto my iTunes/AyePhone – any suggestions?  Clicking & dragging just ain’t workin’.  I’ve got these two Vasco albums I’d like to burn and listen to in the car, but I can’t seem to get my computer to store them in the right place.  The first is Godzilla vs. Vasco and the other is From Vasco With Love.  My buddy Matt Vallerini is Vasco’s something-or-other – I’m not big on music industry terminology – producer, maybe?  Agent?  Vasco spits the rhymes and Matt does pretty much everything else (I think).  Maybe Vasco makes music too, I don’t know.  I’d love to have some good critique of the music for you, BUT I CAN’T FUCKING GET IT WHERE I WANT IT TO BE.  Matt’s also a Smoothe Moose Laboratories and Recordings guy, btw.

So yeah, more technical difficulties.  Did I mention that my computer is still running slow as sh*t?  It’s as bad as when I was pirating my neighbor’s wi-fi.  I really need to spend some time cleaning this damned thing out.

Anyway, since I’m plugging sites and whatnot of my friends both IRL and from the interwebz, why don’t you swing over to The Naked Redhead‘s facebook fan page and become a fan?  It’s so inexpensive I think it might even be free.  If you want to spend money on TNR, she also has a store on her site.  Feel free to buy me an “I Heart Aural” tee (S will do the best job of showing off my svelt physique).  Plug, plug, plug.

Anyway, it’s about time for me to hit the hiz-ay (or the riz-ack, for those of you who prefer the military ebonics); it’s after midnight and I need to let it all hang down in the horizontal.  Groovy.  It’d be great to make the beast with two backs tonight, but I’M STILL SINGLE, so whatever.  I’m really only ever lonely during those moments between getting into bed and falling asleep (after, of course, Laila Jo is done with her little-furry-engine-on-my-chest imitation).  Yeah, yeah, cry me a river.  Back in man-town (where I come from), we don’t dig on the pity thing any more than Jules digs on swine, so you can just keep yours to yourself.  We do, however, dig on your sister – and your mom – at the same time, doncha know.

But that’s why I live in Ridgewood and not man-town anymore:  I’m just not into that whole “progressive” relationship thing.  Yep, still a monogamist.  Who cooks and bakes and can fix stuff.  Srsly, ladies, I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to check any of my internet dating profiles, but feel free to swing on over to OkCupid for a taste.  I’m on PoF and Yahoo Personals too, in case you prefer a different venue.

Holy shit, I’m plugging mySELF.  Not good, Ted, not good at all.

Frig.  Now I’m talking to myself – and tsking, no less – out loud AND on the internet AT THE SAME TIME.

Yeah, I know you dig it.  You should see me naked.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Brian February 24, 2010 at 09:38

I think the military ebonic term for sleep would be hit the siz-ack. Hit the riz-ack is when you punch a girl in the tit.

Reply

Elizabeth February 24, 2010 at 10:15

Just don’t dig on MY sister, haha… oh, and I clicked over to your OKCupid profile, and we are 14% enemy. Whatever that means…

Reply

Being Samiantha February 24, 2010 at 11:56

lol I’m on POF, I’ll send you a PM with the handle.

Reply

Vallerini February 24, 2010 at 14:36

Yo, hit me up, and I’ll help you figure out the music. However all this could be avoided if you joined the 21st Century and got an Mac, PC’s can suck my “Five foot long penis.”

Reply

Jennifer March 2, 2010 at 10:27

You crack me up. Seriously…..plugging yourself. Hey….don’t shut love out. You never know where it might show up. I just hope you dont get desperate enough to actually start posting naked pics.

Reply

Jimmie Joe August 3, 2010 at 18:49

More like sloppy moose…

Reply

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