Shrekfest of Brampions

February 2, 2010 · 4 comments

I have a date tomorrow.  With a girl.  At least, I think it’s a date.  Whatever.  I think the whole situation pretty much falls in the “nunya” category anyway.

Work is still nuts.  Today one of the kids I have making phone calls for me asked me how they were doing – whether the two of them are achieving the results I expect.  I had no idea how to answer him, so I lied and told him I think they’re doing a pretty good job, and that I wish I had had a bit more time to train them.

The truth is, I think both of them are slackers.  Granted, I haven’t really had the time or the inclination to set high standards, but overall I’m really quite unimpressed with both.  Crappy-work-ethic-having-know-it-alls (who don’t really know anything).  Seriously, these two retards don’t even know a teeny piece of what I do and I’m still wicked inexperienced and jamming that learning curve into high gear.

Ok, take it easy on them Ted, huh?  And maybe stop mixing your metaphors.  What the ef was that last one supposed to be describing anyway.

Whatever.  They’re retards.  I work with retards.

Ok, that’s enough.  I’m putting him to bed now folks.  That was seriously just completely uncalled-for.  He’s really a sweet guy pretty much all the time.  It’s just that he gets a bit cranky if he doesn’t get a few hours of decompression time between work and sleep (to wake to work again).

I’ll tell you what really pisses me off is that I can’t use any metaphors that in any way might be construed as talking about or even touching on terrorism.  Not even funny ones.  And I’m good at those.  They’re all basically just hyperbole anyway.  But noooooo – I could get fi-yerd.  Stupid political correctness.  I don’t even have any politics except “don’t fuck with me”.  Wasn’t that like our first flag or something?  We should totally bring that back.

Ok – enough stream of consciousness stuff:  check it:  I consistently hear people talking about “those people,” “they,” “them,” and all kinds of other pronoun-type wordies that refer to imaginary beings known as “terrorists” who are out to get us all.  These people (the ones I hear) (in real life) (seriously, I’m not kidding) (stop sniggering, asshole) say things like “we’ve got to take the war to them” and generally talk about “getting aggressive with the terrorists” and how they (the retards to whom I can’t help but listen) “know where they are” and stuff like that.

Ok – W. T. F.  Terrorism isn’t a country, folks.  There isn’t a country “full” of terrorists out there.  Terrorists are people like me – they get tired of your crap and so they cover everything in your cube with tin foil and then help you clean it up the next day while promising “to keep an ear out for whoever did this.”  PS:  meanwhile you cried like a little bitch because you thought people didn’t like you.  Terrorism isn’t organized.  It’s not a movement.  It’s not a country or a people or a culture or an ethic.  It’s a nebulous CONCEPT.  It’s a PENUMBRA, a fucking SHADOW.

The guy who’s talking about “going after the terrorists” is the terrorist himself for spreading the idea that there’s such a thing as organized terrorism.  He should join the military and cry when he can’t handle all the pushups or the fact that “they’re not being very nice to me.”

Jesus.  Sorry for the rant.  I meant “jesus” as more of an expletive – not that I was asking any particular person’s forgiveness, feel me?  Breaking #3 can be a whole lot of fun in the right situation.

Anyway, I’m at like 600-something words right now, which is way more than I had planned for this evening.  I was just going to tell you about my day.  I’m kind of glad I didn’t, though:  it was relatively exciting, but the retelling of it would be incredibly boring.  Like paint-peel and grass-grow boring, not like – frig. – I can’t think of any other types of boring that might juxtapose with a sense of exciting and thus balance out what I was looking for just there.

So yeah.  Peace out, nucka.  I got a meeting with the Bobs in the morning, so I need be in early to finish up those TPS reports.  Tomorrow’s Tuesday, so I’ll wear my cornflower blue tie – which pretty sweetly matches the icon on my desktop for my PORN database.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Say Wha'? February 2, 2010 at 05:05

Good luck on your date! Hope you get lucky. I think, judging from this rantfest of a post, you need it.

Good day.


Brian February 2, 2010 at 09:37

How much did you pay her to go out with you?


Brian February 2, 2010 at 11:02

At least the retards you work with speak english.


Tomers February 9, 2010 at 09:19

I’m very surprised to hear that the retards you work with care enough about their performance to ask you how they’re doing.


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