Saturday morning I’ll be hiking Whiteface and Esther Mountains in the Adirondacks. They’ll be numbers 3 and 4 of 46 for my Adirondack 46ers patch.
I wasn’t kidding when I put those last few posts together. I’m getting a move-on. It’s now 11:44 in the post meridian on Thursday night, and I’m heading off to bed as soon as this post is finished. I’ve got to get to work early tomorrow so that I can finish up a couple of things that, by all rights, should take me all day. I’m planning on leaving around 2PM and headed straight for the ‘dacks. My car is already packed.
I’ll be staying at the High Peaks Hostel in Lake Placid NY on Friday night. I’ll bring my netbook, but I have no idea if they’ll have wi-fi (or even if I’ll have cell phone service). Hell, I don’t even think there’s a Starbucks up that way. Oop – I was wrong. There’s one at 90 Main Street in Lake Placid. Score.
Saturday morning, I’ll wake up early and head up to Whiteface. If you look closely at the map – and maybe even zoom in – you’ll see that 431 goes pretty much right to the top. I wonder if there’s a parking lot up there like there is at the top of High Point here in good ole NJ. That’s so New Jersey: the highest point in the state has a parking lot on it.
Whether or not I can actually drive to the summit, I still have to head off into the woods and hike to the top of Esther. I think that might even be a bushwack. The round-trip hike should be about 4 or 5 miles. Not a lot to drive about five hours each way, but I’ve got to bag these peaks sometime.
So yeah, I don’t know if I’ll be able to post on Friday night or not. If I can get to that Starbucks (and their wi-fi is working), I will.
I’ve been exchanging emails with Didi over the past few days; it’s been very cathartic. This morning (yesterday afternoon for her) she said:
Ahh… your posts over the last few months now make so much sense. I haven’t been commenting much because I’ve been feeling that the posts were somehow… impersonal? They seem pretty… sanitised, somehow? Clinical, almost. Like… you were blogging and putting posts up because you had to, as opposed to because you felt like blogging. I got the vibe that you’d like to say more, but for whatever reason, you weren’t doing it. Blogwise… to a certain extent, I can relate… but at the same time, I don’t really. Then again, I suppose you and I blog for different reasons. I blog to vent and you do it… well… as a possible source of income? As… an outlet (of sorts)?
But with your last email… I understand… and I can relate.
Your… state of flux… the whole loner vs socialite… the emotional entanglements and that bloody sense of time wasted. Most of all, I can relate to your need to re-invent yourself and your restlessness.
Have you found my last posts to be cold and detached, dear reader? I suppose they may have been, in a way. I don’t blog as a source of income (as much as I’d like to), but rather for the cathartic effect (among other reasons). If I have the time and inclination in the next few days, I may get into more detail about what’s been going on with me over the past few weeks. Then again, I may not. I’m toying with the idea of posting some of the stuff in my emails to Didi as time capsules – include the correct dates, but set them to publish in the past, in effect burying them within the 300-odd posts already on this website.
There’s definitely some stuff there that I think is worth sharing with you, dear reader, just not at this particular moment. And it may do me some good to force you to search them out.
Suffice to say, I’ve turned a corner over the past couple of weeks or so and I want to continue on this track. Much like when I posted “It’s Time to Ramble On” back in March, I found myself waiting on other people over the past few months or so. And I’m tired of it. It’s time for me to get a bit selfish again and get back to doing the things I want to do, whether or not I’m alone when I do so.
This mostly comes down to people-pleasing, which infects my life in very subtle ways – so much so that what seems a few snowflakes at first becomes an avalanche of faux altruism before I know it. I don’t know exactly how or why I slipped back into this self-fulfilling prophecy of low self-esteem, but I ain’t havin’ it no more. I’m done.
The few steps I’ve taken this past week – including the inventories you’ve been reading – have already generated the sense of accomplishment for which I’ve been looking. So I know I’m on the right path. I’m going to continue this trek and be grateful for the good things that happen along the way.