Weekly Writing Assignment #8: The Argument

September 14, 2009 · 2 comments

I’m early this week.  Here’s my submission for this week’s writing assignment.  It’s due by midnight on the 14th, so you still have time to get your submission in.  Here’s the link to the instructions for this assignment.

Addiction

Hyde:  Ok doc, the formula’s ready.  Toss it off and let’s bounce.

Jekyll:  It’s not ready yet.

Hyde:  WTF, man!  You’ve been stirring that damned beaker for half an hour longer than usual!  What’s wrong with you – down it and let’s be off!  I’ve got one on the size of the Eiffel Tower right now, and I’m ready for some LUV!

Jekyll:  I’m not sure I’m going to need the formula tonight.

Hyde:  What are you talking about?

Jekyll:  I…I think I’m going to go out by myself this week.

Hyde:  WTF.  We go out once a week.  You know the deal, I’m your wing man: you set ’em up, I take ’em down.  (*snickers* way down).  You’re the brains, I’m the bod.  We’re the perfect combo – the perfect man – these chicks never know what hit ’em.  You remember the twins from last week?  (*rowr*)  What were their names?

Jekyll:  In point of fact, no, I do not remember “the twins” from last week.  All I remember was mixing up the formula – I believe a bit stronger, at your suggestion – and heading off to the Latin Quarter.  I have a vague recollection of stopping off for a bite to eat, but beyond that…

Hyde:  It was effin awesome.  We stopped at a dive and weren’t even sitting down yet before you had their eyes – those chicks wanted you from the second we walked in.  Sure, the swagger was all me, but you set the hook with all that brainy shite you were talking.  Politics or some such.  I just reeled ’em in and brought ’em home.  Damn they were fine.

Jekyll:  That’s exactly it:  I don’t remember any of it.  What I do remember is waking up the next morning with one shoe, no money, and vomit on my trousers – which were still on by the way – and I was alone.  Where did “those chicks” go?

Hyde:  They played hard.  Hard players don’t stay around and cuddle in the morning.  Jesus christ, will you man-up already?  Drink the fuckin formula if you want to get laid tonight.  You know you can’t do it without me.  I’m the big-leaguer here, not your over-educated ass.

Jekyll:  I’m not quite sure I believe you.  All these stories you tell me every week about the week before – how ‘awesome’ it was and whatnot – I never remember any of these supposed encounters, and I’m still bloody single.  I’m tired of “getting laid” (if I’m even doing that); I want to find a nice girl to settle down with.  It’s what I’ve always wanted.

Hyde:  You’re a pussy.  You scared of girls, remember?  You have absolutely no idea what you’re doing around women.

Jekyll:  I’m not sure that’s entirely correct.  Yes, of course I get a little nervous.  I’ve just never tried to talk to women without the formula.  I think it’s time for a change.  The formula isn’t working.  I’ve tried so many different ingredients and measurements; I don’t think there are any combinations left for me to try.  This one I’m stirring isn’t all that different from last week’s – just a higher concentration.  I’m going to go out without it and try my luck being just me.

Hyde:  Look, buddy:  I admit, we’ve been on a pretty good run lately with the kind of chicks I dig.  Maybe I’ve been a little selfish about the whole thing.  How about we do this:  add a pinch more of the kitten-whisper from that jar up there, and it’ll take the edge off the experience.  I’ll take us out the way you want tonight.  No twins or couples for us tonight – we’ll pick up a reeeaal nice girl.  One of them librarian-types, ok?  I’ll be real gentle.  We’ll find one that’ll stay the night and you can make her your fuckin omelete supreme for her in the morning.  Hell, the two of us are unstoppable.  If that’s the kind of girl you want, there’s no way I can’t bring one home for you.  Tonight is all you, baby.

Jekyll:  Well…I’m not really sure.  You don’t think I can do it by myself?

Hyde:  Nope.  No offense, buddy, but you’ve got no spine – no balls – no chutzpah – and that’s what chicks dig.  Even the librarians.  I bring that to the equation.  We’re a team.  I complete you.  Your librarian-chick doesn’t want to date half a man anyway.  She wants a whole person.  That’s you and me.  Together.  I’m tellin’ ya, just add a pinch of kitten-whisper – or two if you’re that nervous – and we’ll be good to go.

Jekyll:  I don’t know…we haven’t tried the kitten-whisper before, and I’ve been wondering how that might affect the formula.  Do you think two pinches is too much?

Hyde:  No, I think we’ll be fine.  We can totally handle it.  And if it doesn’t work this week, you can try it on your own next week.  Go on, two pinches, toss it off, and let’s bounce.

Jekyll:  Right-o.  I’m sure the kitten-whisper is the missing ingredient.  True Love, here I come!

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

BRIAN September 14, 2009 at 10:27

You gotta get laid…

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Being Samiantha September 14, 2009 at 11:56

You have to get laid, self love is not cutting it.
On the other hand, you should win this assisgnment easily.

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