Weekly Writing Assignment #3

August 10, 2009 · 3 comments

A Day in the Life of My Dog

(from his perspective)

6:52 AM:  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  I have to pee.

6:55 AM:  I HAVE TO PEE.  WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP I HAVE TO PEEEEEEEE.

7:00 AM:  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  I’m peeing.  I’m peeing.  I have to pee.  I’m peeing.  I wonder what that smells like?  Smells like my pee.  I want to run.  I want to run.  I want to run.

7:05 AM:  I have to pee.  That’s a tree.  I wonder what that smells like?  Smells like someone else’s pee.  I’m peeing.  It’s my tree now.  Why is my human laughing?  What does pee-mail mean?  I want to run.  I’m running.  I’m not running.  I want to run.

7:10 AM:  I’m pooping.  Why am I pooping?  I’m sorry, human, I wanted to run.  Why am I pooping?  That felt good.  I want to run.  My back itches.  Scratch my back.  Ooh!  Rub my belly, human!  I want to run.

7:15 AM:  I want to run.  Around the block.  Around the block.  That smells interesting.  What is that?  I want to smell like that.  Smell like that.  Why is my human yelling?  I smell like that.  I smell gooood.

7:20 AM:  I want to run.  I like my smell.  Why is my human doing that?  I smell different.  I like my smell.  I like my butt-smell.  I can lick my butt.  I want to run.

7:30 AM:  Why is my human leaving?  Why is he leaving me?  I’ve been good.  I like treats.  Crunchy.  I want to run.  Water bowl.  I have to pee.  Take a nap.

Noon (ish):  What’s that sound?  Window.  Car.  Trees.  Fuckin cats.  BARK BARK BARK BARK FUCK YOU CAT YOU CAN’T TALK BARK BARK BARK STUPID FELINE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT FELINE MEANS BARK BARK.  Where did cat go?  Why did cat run away?  Why doesn’t cat want to be friends?  Fuckin cats.  I want to run.  Take a nap.

Mid-afternoon:  I have to pee.  I want to run.  I’m thirsty.  Water bowl waterbowlwaterbowlwaterbowl.  I can lick my butt.  Take a nap.  I like my human’s smell.  My smell is better.  I can lick my butt.  I can lick shoe.  Chewy shoe.  Tasty shoe.  Smells good.  Take a nap.

Early evening:  Water boooowwwwll!!  I have to pee.  I want to run.  Take a nap.  Lick my butt.  Take a nap.

6:30 PM:  My human is home!  My human is home.  Myhumanishomemyhumanishomemyhumanishome.  BARK.  BARK BARK BARK HUMAN HUMAN HUMAN I HAVE TO PEE I WANT TO RUN SHOES TASTE GOOD I SMELL GOOD FUCKIN C ATS LICK MY BUTT BARK I’M HUNGRY I WANT TO RUN WATER BOOOOWWWWWLLLL!!!

6:34 PM:  I have to pee.  Around the block.  Why am I pooping?  Pee-mail.  Fuckin squirrels.  I want to run.  What’s that smell?  Smells like my pee.  I’m peeing.  Dog park?  Dog park.  Dog park.  Bitches.  Bitches.  I have to pee.  I want to run.  Bitches.  Hump.  Humphumphumphumphump.  Why is my human yelling?  Dog park.  I’m running.  I’m running.  I’m running.  Water?  Pee.  Water.  I’m peeing.  Wow another dog.  Big dog.  I’m bigger.  Hump?  Smell his butt.  My butt smells good.  Lick my butt.  Hump.  Humphumphumphumphump.  Why is my human yelling?  I’m running.  We’re running.  I’m running.  I’m running.  Water?  Around the block.

7:08 PM:  Dinner time!  I want to run.  ROO-ROOOO!  FEED ME HUMAN!  ROOROOOOROOROROROROROROOOOOO!  Roo.  Feed me.  I want to run.  I’m eating.  I’m eating.  I’m eating.  Water bowl.  I’m eating.

7:19 PM:  Dinner time!  My human is eating.  My human is eating.  Drool.  He will feed me his food.  He will feed me his food.  My human you will feed me your food.  Drool.  Feed me your food.  I’m eating.  Water bowl.  I have to pee.  I want to run.

7:27 PM:  I want to run.  I want to play.  I want to play.  Human.  Rub my belly.  I want to play.  Fuckin internet.  BARK BARK BARK FUCKIN INTERNET BARK I WANT TO PLAY BARK BARK HUMAN HUMAN HUMANHUMANHUMANHUMANPLAYPLAYPLAYPLAY!!  Rub my belly.  My butt smells good.  We’re playing!  We’re playing we’re playing.  Play play.  My butt smells good.  Take a nap.  I want to run.

8:15 PM:  I have to pee.  I have to pee.  I’m hungry.  Human feed me your food.  I want to run.  I have to pee.  Around the block.

8:17 PM:  Why am I pooping?  Around the block.

8:26 PM:  I want to play.  Fuckin book.  My butt smells good.  I can lick my butt.

11:00 PM:  Around the block.  I’m peeing.  I want to run.  I’m peeing.  Around the block.

11:07 PM:  I want to run.  Water bowl.  I want to play.  I like treats.  Crunchy.  Time for bed.  Crunchy bed.  Why is my human yelling?  Crunchy floor.  I like treats.  I want to run.  Time for bed.  Move human.  My pillow.  Fuckin elbows.  Move.  Stretch.  I love my human.  Take a nap.

Check out Weekly Writing Assignment for the instructions for this submission, as well as for Weekly Writing Assignment #4.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie August 11, 2009 at 08:50

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I love it! I have tears running down my face I’m laughing so hard!!!!!!

Reply

Being Samiantha August 11, 2009 at 11:23

*snort*… falls over laughing

Reply

Didi August 13, 2009 at 03:57

Ahahahahahahaaa

Sounds like my Pixiedust minus the manic Ihavetopee/Ihavetopoop. Hahahaha

Reply

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