I’m pretty sure I’m over my “haven’t got a girl” whiney time. I know that I only really whined for that one post, but that’s a lot for me. For me to sit down and blog about being lonely means that it was weighing on my mind more than usual. Whatever. These things happen. Thanks for bearing with me through that, dear reader.
To a certain extent, I carried that whiney-ness (yes, I’m sure it’s spelled “whininess”, but I think that looks dumb) right into Father’s Day with the family. At that point, it was more of an intellectualization than anything else. I talked to my family a bit about how I live in the middle of suburbia – soccer moms and lawn-mowing dads – instead of around people of a similar age and station in life. I pondered aloud about moving to Hoboken or some other more city-ish locale, and we had a good sort of brainstorm sesssion. “What are the possibilities for Ted’s future?” It was pretty cool, except that I need to stop taking things so personally. And I need to stop projecting the rest of my life out from this point forward. Sometimes it’s tough for me to stick to just “doing the next right thing” – but when I do, life is phenomenal.
My dad’s biggest suggestion was “why don’t you go back to school?” And get this, his idea was that I go get a PhD in Philosophy (of all things), and then enter the world of academia.
My dad wasn’t too happy when I switched my major from Biology to Philosophy, once upon a time.
Now, I’d love to get a PhD in Philosophy and teach. And there’s a very good possibility that I’ll do so sometime later in life. But for now, that just doesn’t work for me. I just don’t think I have enough life experience (or money) to do so. Which brings me to Saturday’s quote in my Zen-a-day calendar:
“The more one is absorbed in so-called philosopy, the greater one’s delusion and blindness.” -Emanuel Swedenborg
Not necessarily an original thought. And quite in keeping with my understanding of Zen.
This quote is particularly applicable to me. When I was in undergrad, studying Philosophy, I thought I was uncovering deep metaphysical truths – with my mind. Oofa. Friedrich Nietzsche aside, I don’t know what kind of deep truths about the world and reality I was uncovering from my opium-hazed closet of a room in the fraternity house, with a disgustingly full ashtray and my Mac in front of me.
That said, I still hold with many of the things I wrote those ten or more years ago about Perspectivism, Pragmatism, and Solipsism. Which is exactly why I’m psyched to spend more of my time experiencing life than studying it. My brain is always going anyway, and Philosophy is always present for me. I’d rather enjoy that in the background while I’m actively pursuing squeezing all I can out of life. I’ll sit down and write and talk and teach hungover and still-stoned college kids about all that stuff when I’ve got more grey hairs on my head than brown. And when I’ve actually managed to hunt down and kill patience while on safari.