I’m a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. And I’m winning. Because I know all kinds of crazy one-legged martial arts. I’m a fuckin’ ninja. You can’t touch this, as MC Hammer once said. Heck, maybe he still does – I wouldn’t know ’cause I sure as hell don’t follow him on Twitter.
Things are good. I’m exhausted. Tuesday was an extremely busy day at work and I kicked some ass. I got in (on time) at about 8:30AM and rolled out a little after 11PM. I cut out for about an hour to have dinner with Scott, and that made all the difference. Whether it was getting out of the office or filling my belly or just hanging out with Scott, I walked back into the office feeling like I could accomplish anything. When I left to meet Scott, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.
After a day like that, normally I’d sleep in a bit and start the next day a little later, but I can’t afford to do that just yet. Maybe Thursday or Friday.
Things at work are good right now because I’ve got everything cut out for me. I know exactly what I have to get done and how to do it. Sure, it’s going to take a lot of time to get al that done, but I’m feeling pretty confident overall.
This time last year, I was running around like a chicken whose head just got cut off. I was completely overwhelmed and was freaking out (to myself) pretty regularly. I was over-stressed and couldn’t stop thinking/talking about how I should be making more money. Don’t get me wrong, delusions of grandeur still about, but they’re a bit more reserved this year. I don’t know that I’m in control of them, but at least I’m keeping my mouth shut. To my co-workers, of course. You, dear reader, don’t really count on this scale. And that’s a good thing, believe you me.
Self-doubt does, to a certain extent, still plague me, but I’m ignoring it right now. I have too much to do to get all wrapped up in ego and inconsequential wonderings about whether I’m good enough, smart enough or (darnit) whether people like me. I am, I am, and I pretty much don’t care if they do.
I’m in a much better place than I was last year, and I have at least twice the workload now than I did then.
Call me a hypocrite, but as much as I’d like to get into a discussion of zen in the workplace and whatnot, I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on for the next few weeks. As Wu-Tzu said:
Talking about Zen all the time is like looking for fish tracks in a dry riverbed.