Back to Work

May 26, 2009 · 1 comment

I’m not so sure that I’m psyched for this to be a short week.  Yes I am.

This was definitely a good weekend.  I got the rest I needed.  I was talking to my friend Mike this evening and said that I’m hoping my motivation hasn’t completely disappeared – that I’ll be able to jump back into work with both feet.  I have a lot to do in the next four days – especially Tuesday.  A 10PM conference call with Taiwan makes for a long day, especially when I’ll be the star of the call.  I have some general outlines for a report that I have to put together, discussing this year’s project in light of last year’s.  Given all the things I have to do for this year’s projects, spending time re-analyzing last year’s project feels like a real waste of time.  I’d rather be working on things coming down the pike than reminiscing about what’s past. 

But it’s not my job to whine about reasons; my job is to get the report done and kick ass on the con call.  Not a problem.

Mike said with a good amount of surety that he doesn’t think I’ll have a problem getting right back down to business when I walk in the door at work on Tuesday.  And Mike knows me pretty well.  I don’t think I will either, but I’ve been struggling with that whole self-doubt thing ever since I dredged up my Psychic Encounter in Sedona last week.

I can still see the pain in the psychic’s face when she said (multiple times) “so much self-doubt”.  I guess it’s more the memory of that than anything else – it’s kind of echoing in my head.  Especially when I’m – duh – doubting myself.  I’m either doing it more lately or I’m noticing it more. 

I’m trying to get away from doubting myself – I really thought I’d gotten past it, but maybe I can chalk this up to a character defect that I’ll never truly get away from – part of my karma. 

Though I’m trying to get away from it, I don’t want to do it in the way I normally would: puffing up my ego with bullshit affirmations.  Lying to myself that I’m right all the time.  The best thing I’ve been able to come up with so far is to ask questions of those around me when I’m feeling doubtful about my thoughts and/or contemplated actions.  Keep things out in the open – bad ideas die when they hit the fresh air.

It’s a tough balance, though, especially when it comes to work.  Besides the fact that I work for a consulting firm and we’re supposed to know what we’re talking about, I’m also trying to move up in said consulting firm.  It sure ain’t the jungle, but that doesn’t mean I can afford to display meekness or weakness.

Anyway, enough whining for now.  I’m off to bed to get up at a decent hour – I’ll kick more ass if I’m at work early.

On a side note, a funny thing happened after I published my psychic encounter post on Friday night:  fifteen minutes after the post was published, I received an email notification from Twitter “ED (TedsSpiritGuide) is now following your updates on Twitter.”  When I checked the URL (twitter.com/TedsSpiritGuide), I got the “this page doesn’t exist” notification.  I got a kick out of it.  When my posts are published, the link is also auto-tweeted on Twitter.

I checked my stats plugin, but the only info it displayed was an IP address in Laguna Beach CA (which is where the server is located, not the person).  Anyway, it turned out to be my buddy Matt Helmick (@IntegralHack) effing with me.  We shared a good laugh over Facebook (he’s in Walla Walla WA). 

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Darth Traya May 26, 2009 at 09:54

I am very glad that you got the rest you so needed this weekend. Sounds like alot late nights for you, but I just know that you will do wonderfully.

Frankly, I think the psychic was playing the odds when she did her “self doubt” routine. Who the hell doesn’t have self doubt at some point? Between work loads, family obligations and social events with friends. We all doubt how we are going to not only cram it in to our days, but get them accomplished.

We all want to be the Debrouillard. The person when told to do the impossible, will somehow find a way. Paraphrasing George Orwell, I always thought he was something of a twit. But even twits can be right about some things too.

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