For a while now, I’ve been meaning to talk about my experiences in Sedona last summer. I mentioned Sedona in a couple of other posts – “2012” and “Alcyone – At the Feet of the Master” – but I haven’t yet discussed my psychic reading on our last day there. I kept a journal of sorts while I was in Sedona, and sketched out the bones of the trip when I returned home, planning on putting together a nice long post for my Myspace blog (the precursor hereto). But I’ve since misplaced that journal. I honestly can’t think of anything more annoying than losing something I’ve written.
So in another of my ever-failing attempts to be brief, here we go:
The trip to Sedona was about 10 months ago, so I can’t say that I remember every detail of my encounter with the psychic (which is why I wrote it down), but I’ll here explain the things that are still stuck in my mind.
The first is that the psychic kept saying “so much self doubt” with her face all screwed-up in a painful expression. The next is that her first/immediate impression of me was that I must be an artist. She worked with a deck of tarot cards of a type which she designed herself. She had me shuffle the cards (to infuse them with my energy) and then choose 5, which I then laid out face down. The only one I can remember right now was Saturn – representing chains/binding. In my case, we deduced that it probably stood for my sense of responsibility.
She said that there were three things I needed to “shut the door on”. And asked me what happened when I was six. She also said that I stopped doing something around the time I started to drive, and that something was in some way related to my higher calling. We kind of figured that one of the “three things” was my divorce – a bit obvious, and, in my opinion, not necessarily correct simply because it’s so obvious. But I’m a contrarian and am always looking for the hard way to do things, so I’m probably wrong on this, too. I sat down and talked to my parents about what may have happened when I was six and what I may have stopped doing when I started to drive, but the three of us couldn’t really come up with anything. The only thing that kept coming to mind was writing – but I think that I really started to write around the time when I started to drive. I became a lot more independent then and had a lot more going on in my head. I’ll chalk that up to hormones and teenage angst.
She also said that my spirit-guide was a very stern man named Ed, who was standing just over my right shoulder. She seemed to be a bit afraid of him. I definitely got the impression that she was holding a lot back, almost for fear of reprisal from my spirit-guide. She told me that if I chose to follow my spirit-guide, life would be beyond my wildest dreams. That all I had to do was tell my spirit-guide to take the wheel and I’d be in for a wonderful roller-coaster ride of a life. That all I had to do was tell my spirit-guide “ok, you take over” – whether out loud or not, as long as I did so with my heart.
I said those very words – and a few other variations too – many times over the next few weeks/months. Both out loud and to myself. I don’t know, though, if I actually relinquished control.
She also warned me that if I acted too much from my own will, my spirit-guide would start influencing my life in negative ways – kind of corralling me onto the right path. She said I’d start losing things – and very specifically said “you’ll lose your job”. Which stuck in my mind because most of the other negative things she said might happen were only possibilities. This was the only real, hard declarative statement she made regarding this issue.
She also told me that I’m a good person, through and through. But my skepticism tells me that she must say that to all the guys.
On the “holding a lot back” vibe I got, it almost seemed like she was afraid of hurting my feelings. That she didn’t want to tell me that I had some rough shiz to go through in the not-too-distant future. That I’d be better off not knowing what was coming – or even that something was coming.
As to the spirit-guide, it’s entirely possible that he’s my grandfather – the original Edward Benedict Wallace. Her description of him fits what my father has told me about him, and he died just before I was born. I’m Edward Benedict Wallace III, in case you didn’t already know.
I still haven’t really worked out what the “three things” are, but I’ve been very careful in the past 10 months to avoid acting solely on my own will. The good news is that I still have the same job I did last July – with a decent raise since then. As to whether my spirit-guide is at the wheel, I don’t know that I can really say. Probably. As I said, I’ve been avoiding selfishness in my actions. I’ve also been trying to live in the moment. As I look back, the past ten months have passed incredibly quickly, and I’m very happy with where I’m at right now.
I don’t know that I’m much closer to being an artist than I was back then – at least, not in a career-sense. I started writing again in earnest since then – you are currently reading the product of those efforts, dear reader.
When I think about stuff that relates to psychics and whatnot, I usually think in terms of metaphor: being “an artist” doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to be a painter or a musician. For me, it means more that I’m paying attention to my intuition, instead of relying on cold reason to make decisions. Oh, I do both, but I think that I’ve learned to trust my intuition as a solid basis for decision-making than I used to. Which is definitely a form of “letting go”.