Donkey Seeks Girl Dragon

March 16, 2009 · 6 comments

…or “ISO Female Hiking Partner for Sex in the Woods.”

I’m looking for a woman in good shape who owns crampons and snowshoes and knows how to sh*t in the woods.  Someone capable of climbing mountains, someone who actually enjoys sweating.  I’m out there every weekend, looking at the world from the tops of mountains, with that incredible sense of accomplishment and gratitude that follows therefrom. 

I’m cool with doing these things by myself, but there’s got to be some hot chick out there doing the same (or similar) things by herself that’s looking for some companionship, too.  Hasn’t there?  Ach, who knows.

lol – I should probably spend some time on Craigslist, huh?  I understand they’ve got a “rants” section, too.

What a great weekend – again.  I climbed West Kill Mountain (32/39 for the Catskill 3500 Club) on Saturday morning.  Took a shower and a nap and then catered Saturday night.  Home by 12:30 and in bed maybe an hour later.  A couple of pings on eHarmony, but that effin “guided communication” is so slow.  Three days for a response and I lose interest – probably because it seems like she’s lost interest.  I just don’t have time to screw around and play games.  I’m interested, you’re interested, let’s f*ck and see what happens.

Did I just say that?  What I mean is, I’m looking for a serious relationship with a deep emotional connection.  And lots of sex.  In and out of the woods.  But probably not in my car – though it might be fun to try.  ;-)

On Sunday I washed my car and put the Thule roof rack on.  The Mini actually looks pretty good with it.  I need to do a little bit of research about the rack and the car together, but I’ll be purchasing a kayak for it sometime this week.  Need to do some research about that too – my cavalier attitude gets me bitten every once in a while. 

“When you’ve got the world by the balls, just be careful it doesn’t turn around and bite you.”

And you can quote me on that.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

BRIAN March 16, 2009 at 14:46

I might go hiking with you again when the weather is nicer but I can’t promise you any sex in the woods.

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$@bs March 16, 2009 at 22:14

I vote for the handlebar mustache. I think your odds for sex in the woods would be greatly improved by the addition of said facial hair.

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Tom March 17, 2009 at 11:54

I would think the best location for you to find such a woman would be on top of a mountain, not on craigslist or eharmony. Maybe you can steal the names of some chicks out of those canisters at the top of those mountains? Or maybe find some sh*t in the woods and bring it to a lab for DNA analysis and see if you can locate the sh*tee that way?

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niceguyted March 17, 2009 at 13:49

I’ve already tried the canister thing – they don’t like that too much. I’ve also left my # with a note on the sign-in log at the trailhead. Doesn’t work either.

btw – not that I’m going to try your hypothetical, but wouldn’t I be looking for the sh*tter? The sh*tee is usually one of the parties in those German films on the internet, right?

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Tom March 17, 2009 at 11:56

Oh wait, sorry, forget about that last one – I just learned you probably can’t find any human DNA in sh*t.

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Tom March 17, 2009 at 18:12

Ah, yes, you definitely want to look for the sh*tter. My mistake!

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