A More Complete Response to Nicole’s Comment

So I actually received a response to my request for some amateur head-shrinkage.  Thank you, Nicole, for gracing my blog with your words. 

As I said yesterday, I find your insights quite illuminating.  I like to think that my (lucid) dreams are, in fact, metaphor for something deeper.  But I didn’t realize that they were that opposite-of-deep.  I figured they’d be as cloudy to a detached third party as they are to me.  Wo-ho!  I was wrong!  Sadly, that happens often.

To distill, everything comes down to two things:  change and love.

Death as rebirth.  New beginnings.  Is life becoming tedious for me?  Of late, I’ve been getting lost in routine when I can, and cramming new and exciting things in wherever possible; my seams are bursting.  I’m an instant-gratification-freak.  I crave things new and interesting.  The routine I’ve been getting lost in has been mostly during the work-day.  The new things fit in around that.  I’ve been spending lots of time on Facebook lately; connecting with old friends, rekindling – and making new friends.

I’m definitely looking for something new and exciting, but aren’t I always?  My modus operandi has heretofore been drastic upheaval – in every sense of the words.  I usually find a new job, move to a new state, make new friends.  I confess that my feet get itchy every now and again, but I can’t really say that they have been lately.  I like my job, I like where I live (more or less), and I like my friends.

But that’s kind of the point of the dream being a manifestation of my subconscious, isn’t it.  Maybe I’m not really happy with my job, residence, or friends – and just don’t know it.

Apathy pervades.  ”The Bobs” reference provides a decent simile.  Instant gratification is not, however, necessarily compatible with long-term goals.  There’s quite a bit that I’m doing right now to maintain the status quo, in the hope that I’m “on the right path” to achieve my long-term goals.  Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate those (again).

And love.  Ah, love.  WTF.  I’ve just about given up on looking for it around every corner.  My internet dating profiles are no longer on my home page tabs; I no longer spend hours every night sending out emails, hoping to meet “the one” under one of those damned stones that I’m not leaving unturned.  There’s some rough stuff that lives under stones.

Maybe another post on love.  Maybe.  I’m definitely soft and romantic on the inside, but one has to get past the armor and scars to get to the mush.

Tagged as: Change, love