You Have Two Cows

 SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other,

and then throws the milk away…

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

 

AN INVESTMENT BANK

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using

letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,

then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general

offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the s–t out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy…

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

MEXICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows

They are located in Ciudad Juarez

They somehow cross the U.S./Mexico border

You cross into the border and claim both the land and cows

The cows receive U.S. taxpayer benefits for the milk they produce, while the milk goes back to Mexican residents

 

AN ISLAMIC CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You commit suicide

Because Islamic law forbids you being associated with cows.

 

CANADIAN CORPORATION

Eh…you have two cows.

Dis too cold to produce melk from these eh cows.

Yet’s jus sell dem to da yoooesss….

 

AFRICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They are both thin and sick.

You ask the world to send you more cows.

The despotic dictator takes the cows to feed himself and his army

and throw the bones and skin to the starving masses

while television crews demand that the West “do something”…

 

REDNECK OWNERS

You have two cows.

You and your buddies tip them over at night

And use them in the county fair.

 

SUBURBAN OWNERS

You have two cows.

They make a great stand for you widescreen TV.

 

REPUBLICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You donate them to charity because…

 

DEMOCRAT CORPORATION

..Democrats complained of unfairness, and demanded that Republicans share their cows.

So they did, and Republicans apologized for it, now Republicans are out of business while the Democrats’ cows are prosperous from gov’t subsidies

 

LIBERTARIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Grazing on hemp.

You have armed guards protecting them

And a PRIVATE PROPERTY sign around them.

 

GREEN PARTY CORPORATION

You HAD two cows.

You are growing tofu plants instead.

Because cows contribute to global warming

And the McDonald’s corporation.